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One step forward, Two steps back

one step forward, two steps back

pretty sure thats a country song…. right? anyways with life and with cross fit, thats kinda how things have been lately.  i get to feeling better than Im out a week due to fatigue and overall not feeling well. 
(in april, i missed 2 days of work, and a week at the box )  then just as i get to feeling somewhat normal, I get rear ended on my way to work and Im forced to take it easy a few days… both times meant time away from work, and if Im not able to work, Im not up to par to be working out either….

frustrated by the car situation though.  i carry insurance, the other driver asks if Im calling the cops, i say yes.  911 says if youre not bleeding, and you can drive the vehicle, get the drivers information.  At this point i was still shaken..had she told me to verify the insurance policy on the other driver is not expired, i woudve checked. But no, silly me, i in good faith in humanity just snap a few pics of her policy, her drivers license and went on my way to get checked out at the ER.. (not my first fender bender, i learned the lesson  LAST time what happens if you dont get checked out…)
so my husband is calling the insurance companies meanwhile googling this person. Turns out her insurance was "dropped" in oct 2012, (her policy expired supposedly march 31 2013 on the paper i took a photo of---did i catch that…nope….by this time my neck was on FIYA (fire). Also turns out she had a DUI arrest in Sept 2012.  I was like dang…. so Im abiding by the law and then this happens, and for all i know she couldve had a few drinks…  i wont even get into what we found out on the person whos the actual INSURED.  

anyways… grateful it wasnt worse, but makes you realize that sometimes life is like that, it will literally hit you from behind, and you either cope with it in a positive manner, repress the issue, or find refuge in things/habits that are unhealthy.  I will be positive about it.  technically i was excused from work that day (normally there would be hell to pay if you call in at the very last minute, but car accident abet minor is still nothing to contend with.. I WASNT EVEN ON 635!!), i got much needed rest, which meant sleeping in… this also meant missing out the WODS and a run here and there.  Got some awesome prescriptions… that now i dont even need lol,. Got babied by my spouse.. thats always fun :)

It sounds petty Im sure, but i get frustrated that as i begin to feel stronger, and that i can handle more weight in the WODS, that I am also handed more weight in this game called life.  Seriously the last workout before today that I was able to attend was fight gone bad.  I can see why joshua lee fell in love with cross fit after this one. Yeah, it kicks your ass, but in a hurt so good kind of way.  And seriously Im pretty sure thats the first WOD I ever did the RX weight…I just got to push myself to go faster… and the damn wall balls… those are going to haunt me for life, i had so many "no reps".  Wall balls should be reserved when one is so angry they want to punch someone, because i seriously cannot for the life of me get that damn ball up there.  I know I know in time… speaking of things i CANT do...I also struggle with double unders, and pull ups, and I dont even know how to do a handstand… or kip…how on earth do yall learn to kip…. Im so not coordinated….

In life I struggle with depression (usually originating from past circumstance, yet not always..), this pituitary thing I still have no answer for (4 vials of blood later, and the doc is now at a conference…), I struggle with body image and the frustration that the scale never moves and I KNOW not to pay attention to that number, but mentally … i should just throw the damn thing away right? I struggle with my job, and wondering if at times "can i keep up?" "is this the right career path.?." I enjoy my job, but lately so many changes have happened that make you wonder what really happened to allowing your patient rest… now were constantly dealing with family 24-7, and Im not used to having to do my job and being asked a rationale for EVERY THING.  I work intensive care, i kid you not we allow families to sleep at the bedside now.  It CAN BE AWESOME, but it can also be downright emotional… try dragging a crash cart in a room of sleeping family members… or trying to correct your patients families for letting SMALL children play on the floor!!!  ugh, Im rambling… or sending your patients spouse to the ER because theyve neglected themselves, and become you guessed it! THE NEXT PATIENT (and YES this has happened…MORE THAN ONCE!)

how does cross fit help me cope…. well Im better at taking criticism, and direction.  Because if your form is being corrected during the WOD, its not because Gail doesnt love you (Or Ashley, or the other coaches sorry it just seem funny to put Gails name in there for some reason) Its because YOURE DOING IT WRONG (GUILTY), and they want to HELP you a)do it BETTER, and b) not to hurt/kill yourself. Crossfit makes me want to achieve new goals… I WANT that handstand, THAT kip, THAT double under… I want to be able to learn those things.  I know theyll eventually come, in time.  Being more physically fit also helps with transferring patients at work, and I make less trips from the car after i go to the grocery store.  I find that it helps me cope with stress in a positive way.  And i enjoy meeting new people at the box, even though really, i can be shy…  i admire so many of you for what you are physically capable of doing!! And I appreciate the time others take to encourage not just myself, but one another..
So yes Im still training for life...


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